Thankful: Lessons from the Past Year

Thankful: Lessons from the Past Year

“… those who are truly abundant know their purposes and are living them daily.”

– Mastin Kipp, ‘Claim your Power’

I will be honest… I’ve been hesitant about posting this because it feels wayyy more vulnerable than my typical business-focused, “call to action” style blog posts. But I also recognize that there is power in vulnerability and your willingness to own your story. So this week, I wanted to share more about me and why I’m here. (I’ll also be quoting a ton from Mastin Kipp’s book, *’Claim Your Power,’ because it completely changed my perspective on a lot of things and is a must read!)
*As an Amazon Affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases.

If you read my ‘About Me’ page, you know that I’d put off starting my own business for years as I’ve struggled with limiting beliefs. I would constantly make excuses for why I could never take the leap and leave the comfort of my corporate job to pursue my passions — the root of all of my excuses being “I’m not good enough,” which I recognize now as just another limiting belief that stems from fear.

“Before you can discover your life’s purpose, you must separate from your comfortable and ordinary world.“

– Mastin Kipp, ‘Claim your Power’

As long as I can remember, I’ve been too concerned with others’ opinions. I’ve never wanted to be the center of attention… or draw any attention to myself, to be honest… so I’ve always played it safe.

(Even now, putting myself out here on the internet is terrifying — which is probably why I’ve avoided sharing anything too personal until now)

Working in corporate was easy because I always had a role to play — the sales manager, the project lead etc — and I didn’t necessarily have to be the people-pleaser that I was in my personal life. It wasn’t until my first role in leadership when my boss sat me down and said “Katie, you’re going to have to get comfortable being a conversation topic at people’s dinner tables,” that I realized it was impossible to make everyone happy.

I decided then that the best I could do was lead by example.

“Lead by example” became my new mantra; in my personal life, I had felt lost after graduating college — I didn’t have any direction or ambition — but in 2014 everything changed when I had my daughter, Dakota. “Lead by example” took on a whole new meaning and I knew that I had to level-up in every aspect of my life to be the mother and role model that she deserved.

Dakota became my ‘why’ and was the motivation I needed to create a vision for a better life… but I was terrified of falling short of the new expectations I had for myself.

“… fear is a compass showing you where to go.”

– Mastin Kipp, ‘Claim your Power’

I did all of the things that society told me to do as a young, single mom; I threw myself into my work, earning four promotions in six years, affording me the opportunity to buy my first house. I was also able to put Dakota in one of the best private schools in our area and filled our calendar with one after-school activity to the next.

From the outside, it looked like I had my life together!

But on the inside, I was constantly beating myself up because none of it felt like enough. I still felt lost…

I was so busy chasing validation through status and material things, that I didn’t realize I had completely lost sight of what was actually important to me. I was no longer working my butt off to be a good example to Dakota of what a hardworking, independent woman could achieve; I had fallen into the trap of chasing happiness through any external means necessary.

But the universe has a funny way of knocking you back on the right track!

My unexpected wakeup call bulldozed its way into my life around this time last year, when my relationship ended.

I had been in the process of selling my house to relocate closer to him when he ended it. Fortunately, my best friend and her husband agreed to let Dakota and I stay with them temporarily, until I could figure out my next step. (Huge shout out to you both for being there for us during such a hard time!!)

Unfortunately, the hits kept coming and I ended up losing my corporate job a couple months later when the company enforced a new ‘return to office’ policy — having moved to a different state, I wasn’t able to return to the office.

I had officially entered my quarter life crisis (ok ok quarter is generous… is there anything between a quarter life and mid-life crisis?).

I had given up my home and my job — two things that I had deeply connected my identity to — and was forced to reassess my life.

After my last day in my corporate job, I decided to give myself a couple months off to reconnect with myself with what was truly important to me. I’m not going to lie, it was really hard! After decades of equating productivity — through school, sports, work etc — with self-worth, I had a steep hill to climb.

But as the months went on, I found that everything that had happened was actually the best thing that could’ve happened to me!

I learned a few really valuable lessons — one being that life happens for me, not to me. This was an extremely hard lesson in having faith. I believe that we all have a purpose and it’s our life’s journey to discover what that purpose is and how to live congruently with it.

It’s uncomfortable, but you can’t grow if you stay in your comfort zone.

All of the lessons I’ve learned this past year have only prepared me for what is coming next… and big things are coming!

I also had a pretty rude awakening and reminder of what my values are. I realized that a job title and being a homeowner, although admirable, were not actually as important to me as building strong relationships with friends and family, and finding my community; values that I’d been disconnected from for a while.

I also have a completely new idea on how I want to define “lead by example” moving forward.

So this holiday season, I am extra thankful for this past year of reflection and rebuilding. I’m proud of myself for giving myself the space and grace to work through really difficult emotions; to heal, learn and grow — I would encourage everyone to be vulnerable with yourselves and look for the lessons you’ve learned this past year.

I’ll always be a work-in-progress, but this new version of me is more aligned with her values, purpose and has a new outlook on life!

(If you’re interested in learning more about the mindset shifts I’ve been working on, sign up for my Newsletter, where I love to share more business BTS and personal stories!)

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Your Future Self is Thanking You

Lifestyle, Mindset

Your Future Self is Thanking You

The amount of times I’ve seen America Ferrera’s Barbie monologue on social media this past week has been astonishing.

For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, in a nutshell, America Ferrera delivers a (what feels like) 10 minute speech on the double standards of being a woman in today’s society. [I’ll copy the full monologue below for those of you that are interested]

Talking to Barbie, it begins with “It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.”

If you thought Barbie was going to be a two hour, light-hearted comedy that you would walk out of feeling uplifted and cheerful… you are mostly right. However, Greta Girwig, the film’s Director, did a great job of sprinkling in gut-punching satirical parallels to what women experience in today’s day and age.

What resonated the most with me was a line towards the end of the monologue where Ferrera states “I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.”

That got me thinking about all of the ways I may be subconsciously trying to people-please – in business and in life!

A ‘CEO Mindset’

For context, this past summer I really started working on my self-concept. Self-concept is defined as “an idea of the self, constructed from the beliefs one holds about oneself and the responses of others.” It includes components such as 1. self-esteem, 2. personal identity, 3. body image and 4. your role in society.

I realized that if I was going to bet on myself and take time “off” from working in corporate to build my businesses, then I also needed to build an extremely strong success mindset – or what I’m referring to as my ‘CEO Mindset!’

‘Be your Future Self Now’

What I learned was that we can literally rewire our brains (through neuroplasticity) to support whatever self-concept we choose. To do so, you need:

Clarity on the self-concept that you desire
Affirmations, habits and routines that support this self-concept
Discipline in affirming and practicing your desired identity in the now

In his book Be Your Future Self Now: The Science of Intentional Transformation, Benjamin Hardy says “in all instances, humans act as we do based on the future we see for ourselves.” Meaning, the decisions we make every day should be, theoretically, in alignment with the future that we desire to create for ourselves.

We can’t all be David Goggins…

Hardy goes on to say, “your view of your Future Self is the compass that draws you forward.”

If you read my latest article on LinkedIn [link], you’ll know that I’ve been training for a half marathon this coming November. This will be my third half marathon in the last two years and I wanted to push myself to drop more time.

Since we can’t all be David Goggins and go from the couch to a 100 mile ultra-race, I’ve been training more for this half marathon than the others. However, the biggest game changer for me this time around has definitely been my mindset. (Which Goggins credits for his amazing physical accomplishments in his book Can’t Hurt Me… seriously, the man has mastered the concept of “mind over matter”)

This time around, I’ve been putting my self-concept practices to the test and have tried to assume the identity of a “runner.” For me, that meant filtering decisions through what I imagined a seasoned runner would do. (If you read my LinkedIn article, you would know that I have never considered myself to be a runner)

For example, “would I eat that if I was a successful marathon runner?” “Would I skip training to go out with friends?” etc

With repetition and time, these decisions have gotten easier as I’ve rewired my brain to assume that mindset.

It sounds simple in practice – decide who you want to be and start acting like that person – but the difficulty for me has been the patience and discipline to consistently live and act in alignment to an identity that I hadn’t quite adopted.

This goes much deeper than “fake it until you make it.” When you’re changing your self-concept to serve you more positively, a lot of resistance, doubt and fear will come up. But when you persist in fully embodying your Future Self, you’ll start to notice that your reality begins to match your mindset.

Try it out and let me know what you think! If you’re working towards a specific goal or just want to level-up in your life, decide who you need to be (this is your Future Self) and how that person would act. Check out the following questions to give you more clarity ————->

Answer:

What would a day-in-the-life of your Future Self look like?
How do you feel about yourself?
How would others describe you?
What healthy habits or routines would you have adopted?
What unhealthy habits or routines that no longer serve this version of you would you have let go of?

Next, remind yourself daily that you are this person – you already have everything you need inside of you to be this person. As you start to assume this identity, you’ll notice that your decisions and actions align more naturally with your Future Self.

The Full Monologue from Barbie :

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”